Sometimes

I rarely question what I'm doing. It makes it easier for me to blame it on someone else when I screw up. It's kind of a sad pathetic thing to do, but it keeps me alive essentially. So when it comes to love I am very... apathetic? Naa.. that's not the right word. I think I just expect too much sometimes. We both tried moving on... but we went back to each other again. She moved on halfway though... Which means right now my chance to get back with her is about halved. I don't plan on giving up just yet though.. Well I never actually plan on giving up, except when I'm playing LoL. So here I am again.. sitting and waiting for my chance again. I wanna say that it wasn't my fault the first or second times but if I take my personality into account it could be said it was. If you take her personality into account then we're both at fault. I don't take failure very lightly. I will do everything in my power to take back what I've lost. Whether that be at school, work, or relationships. One shove and I'm at the edge of the battleground, proceeding to the middle again, tightening my grip. It's nearly a choke hold at that point.It's not clingy.. I just can't accept failure. Must be all those halo books I read.. I feel like a friggin spartan. It's either win or lose... and I refuse to lose. Unfortunately the pacifist side of me refuses to fight. So here I am again... stuck in the  middle of an unending battle of lust, love, and needs. I can't fight back... but I refuse to lose. Neutrality has its own ring to it... One that I enjoy thoroughly.
Til next time-
Amp-J